Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Air Canada's Newest Fuel Saving Plan

Air Canada announced today that it has come up with a new fuel saving item to remove from it's planes, the life vests.

Yes you read it right, Air Canada is removing life vests from it's Jazz flights which it claims really never goes over water because of course Canada is a barren desert wasteland with no lakes or oceans.

The safety cards will instruct people to use the seat cushion for floatation should it become absolutely necessary to crash land the plane into water, which they claim there is none.

Airline passengers have questioned the lack of Jazz flights over water, stating that Jazz flights fly over the great lakes to get into the U.S. A spokesman for Air Canada responded by saying, "great lakes, what great lakes, that's silly".

Apparently Jazz flights only fly within 50 miles of water on their flights making life vests unneeded extra weight, because when the plane is plummeting to the ground due to a malfunction, the pilot has pinpoint precision of where it's going to land.

Don't worry though, you have the seat cushion if you do happen to land in the water that Canada has none of, and isn't that reassuring. As you are bobbing around in Lake Superior, you can cling to the cushion that 1,000 over sized business travelers have beer farted into as you slowly slip into hypothermia.

On a side note, airlines have also been considering removing the seat cushions on flights to save on weight thus having to eliminate the safety card or flights that also weigh too much. The airline industry has said, "seat cushions can serve as floatation devices in the event of a water landing....until the sharks come.....then they only serve as bobbers."

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