Thursday, August 21, 2008

At United Airlines, The Patients Want to Take Over the Asylum

Workers at United Airlines are banding together to throw out the CEO. Like a scene out of "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest", the patients are trying to take over the asylum at United. The only confusing thing here is that the majority of customer complaints with the airlines is the customer service from the workers not the CEO, although admittedly the executives at United do appear to be lobotomized judging from their recent new policies.

About 20,000 wristbands bearing the phrase "Glenn's Gotta Go" have been distributed among United workers recently, according to the Association of Flight Attendants, one of the unions pushing to oust United Chief Executive Glenn Tilton.

The next phase of protests will be from the passengers of United Airlines, who will begin wearing brown wristbands bearing the phrase "What in the Hell do the Flight Attendants Do Anyhow". This based on the confusion that most passengers have that flight crews are their for customer service, a position which has been flatly denied by the Association of Flight Attendants.

"Our employees do great work every day, and they are dedicated to maintaining the highest standards of safety, customer service and professionalism. Disparaging each other in any way only detracts from all our efforts," said United spokeswoman Jean Medina. "This is not about a wristband. It's about treating each other with respect and being appropriate in the workplace."

United spokeswoman Jean Medina, which has obviously never been a passenger on her own airline, should stop taking drugs because if she thinks United's employees are dedicated to customer service, she is definitely on something, and please give me some before my next flight.

United's pilots have stopped wearing their caps as a show of protest. Pilots last year formed a "dishonor guard" outside an exit of the carrier's annual meeting, throwing their caps to the ground as Tilton walked by. This of course followed by United Pilots deliberately being late for flights so they would cancel, another example of that dedication to customer service.

The United Pilot's protest, which is remaniscent of something you would see during third grade recess at most elementary schools, has not affected the CEO in the way it was planned, probably because he was laughing too hard.

As far as United Airline's passengers are concerned, a spokesman for the passengers send a response to the United Employees who are protesting and to the CEO of the airlines in the form of another wristband they can wear that says "GROW THE HELL UP"

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