Thursday, August 14, 2008

Airlines Dump Earplugs and Make Meals Smaller to Lighten Planes

Because the amazing weight of earplugs and peanuts, airlines have started removing them flights. Air carriers who are trying to save on fuel are looking to throw anything off the plane they possibly can and apparently the enormous weight of foam earplugs are costing too much fuel. Additionally food portions are starting to be trimmed down, if that were possible.

Going forward, due to the weight of a full bag of peanuts, passengers will each receive 1 peanut to save on jet fuel and will be required to place their fingers in their ears should they require ear plugs. The next step of course would be to eliminate the passengers fingers as well to increase savings.

British Airways is reducing the weight of passenger meals, replacing catering trolleys and scrapping cabin crew paperwork.

On a typical long-haul flight, catering equipment and food on a BA freight weighs six tonnes.

Other airlines are removing earplugs, cutting back on sachets and even shaving millimetres off cutlery.

But the one area air carriers are refusing to tackle is the sensitive issue of obese passengers.

Airlines say they have no plans to charge passengers - even the heaviest - according to how much they weigh.

In the lucrative transatlantic market - with millions of flyers from the US where citizens are notoriously litigious - the idea of 'discriminating' against larger flyers is anathema.

Weighing passengers and telling some they are 'too fat to fly' or must pay a surcharge might do far more to reduce fuel consumption.

Levels of obesity have trebled in the past 20 years and airlines often receive complaints from passengers who have been squashed by fat neighbours.

But airlines believe a pay-as-you-weigh policy would provoke a furious backlash and potential legal action.

So good news for our "supersized" brethren out there, you don't have to worry about be surcharged, instead make sure you bring your triple quarter pounder super size value meal along for the ride because I don't think the peanut is going to get you through it. The good news of course is that the passenger next to you wont need earplugs because he will pinned to the bulkhead of the plane by your heft thus rendering him deaf and possibly concussed.

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