Monday, April 21, 2008

I Am a Cell Phone Magnet

While I was waiting at the gate today for my flight to start boarding I noticed that I was mystically attracting every over-indulged, khaki clad Donald Trump wanna be on a cell phone. Like watching the migration of Canadian Geese, they were start talking away at the end of the terminal and end up standing next to me, blabbing loudly in my ear.

I know everyone has seen or heard these people in the airport, it is as if the cell phone sucks out their brain the minute they put the receiver to their ear and they start walking in random patterns in the middle of the concourse, bumping into everyone, while yelling on their phone as if they were sitting in the their living room.

I don't know pheromone I give off, but they all inevitably end up right next to me. Regardless of where I moved in the gate area, I would turn around and 30 cell phone toting autotrons would be pursuing me, waiting for me to stop so they could simultaneously yell in my ear. Amazingly, it doesn't even matter what time of day it is, there they are.....who in the hell do you talk to (or who wants to talk to you) at 1 am???

Police departments have small devices they use to block cell phones in a 50 foot area and if I ever get my hands on one of these things I will be the happiest little camper at the airport. If the airlines ever let people talk on cell phones in flight we should all just blow our brains out. You can't help overhear these conversations either, and most of them are pretty idiotic. They will call someone and say, "I am sitting on the runway", wow that is really important time sensitive information you should share immediately. The person on the other end of the line must be bi-polar by now from listening to all your calls.

To my fellow telephonies, try and remember a few things that will make you more likable if you must blab all day long:

1. The only person who finds your call interesting is you, stop pretending your sitting in your living room and remember that there are 1,000 people around you and none of them care about your business deal hot shot.

2. If you must talk on your phone, try and find a place where you can have a little personal space and don't mindlessly invade other people's space because your brain waves are temporarily blocked by the radio transmission.

3. Look around and ask yourself, if I stand here am I in everyone's way? If the answer is yes get off your phone or move !

4. The ring tone that you think is so cool.......isn't ! This applies directly to men and women who are past is no longer cool for a grown overweight woman to have "baby baby" as your ring tone, get something less annoying or just turn it on at your cougar meetings.

5. If you walk around all day with one of those little bluetooth cockroaches stuck behind your ear even if you aren't talking on the phone realize this...people don't think you look important, they think you look retarded....a boss that I admire once told me that you can tell who the important people are because they don't have to answer the phone.

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Anonymous said...

very well said... some people are really annoying.. can't they talk somewhere else where nobody is listening? I don't have to hear what they have to say about their blah blah shit!

SheR. said...

I hate those people that you mentioned in your post! Especially in tube stations or buses.. Arghs!!! Shoo shoo go away!

Pinay WAHM said...

Haha...this is why I don't have a celfone...I may just turn into one of those you mentioned here.

Seriously though...this is becoming such a nuisance so I am glad that some places actually ban celfones.